The name of the Lorid is a strong fortress-the godly run to Him and are safe.
The Lord is more pleased when we do right and just than when we offer him sacrifices.
Solomon loved foreign women...700 wives from royal birth and 300 concubines. GOODNESS!
"While seeking wisdom I clutched at foolishness." Solomon was pretty depressed when he wrote Ecclesiastes. "As you enter the house of God keep your ears open and your mouth shut."
Kings and rulers make a grave mistake when they give great authority to foolish people and low positions to people of proven worth. I have even seen servants riding like princes and princes walking like servants.
Solomon's son Rehoboam has not gone the way of the Lord. After 13 years of reigning and doing evil in God's sight, Rehoboam was defeated and Jeroboam becames King. Israel fought within itself and Abyam & Jeroboam fought. Abyam came from the tribe of Judah and grew more powerful. When he died, Asa became King. Asa pleased the Lord by removing the foreign gods. God told Asa "the Lord willl stay with you as long as you stay with him."
Constant war between Judah and Israel. "The eyes of the Lord search the whole Earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him." 1 Kings 15:9a
No one else so completely sold himself to what was evil in the Lord's sight as Ahab did under the influence of his wife Jezebel.
King Ahab dies. He was buried in Samaria. "Always think carefully before pronouncing judgment" 2 Chronible 19:6b
Jehoshaphat told the Levites to always act in the fear of the Lord.
Give thanks to the Lord; his faithful love endures forever.
Many kings---doing evil in the sight of the Lord.
June 15...I don't ever remember reading that both Elijah and Elisha struck the water of the Jordan River and it parted for them to walk across...but they both did. Also a man brought Elisha a sack of fresh grain and 20 loaves of barley bread. Elisha told him to feed 100 people with it...they ended up having leftovers...amazing!
Elisha is absolutely amaing as a servant of the Lord.
Jehu-a mighty King of God killed Ahab, Jezebel and all their remaining kinfolk so there was no one in that lineage remaining. Jehu killed all the Baal worshippers--God acknowledged that he had done what He had asked--however, Jehu did not obey God with all his heart.
Athaliah, mother of King Ahazrah of Judah learned that her son was dead and decided to destroy the rest of Judah's royal family. But a nurse hid the youngest child Joash. When Joash was 7, he was presented as king. A covenant was made that the people would follow the God of their fathers. The priest that advised Joash and Joash began to allow the people to build Aserah poles and worship Baal.
Zechariah the priest's son was stoned to death because he was his father's conscience and proclaimed the wrong being done.
Joash and Elisha have died...Joash's son is now King and did what was pleasing in God's eyes. His son then became king and did not please God. After his death Uzziah became king. He didn't smash the foreign gods and God allowed leoporsy to overcome his body. He reigned 52 years from a different castle than his family.
He became mighty...and with that became very prideful. Jonah's ministry took place during the reign of Jeroboam II.
In Amos I read "The Lord never does anything until He reveals his plans to his servants the prophets." God is called the "Pride of Israel" in the book of Amos.
The time is surely coming says the Sovereign Lord when I will send a famine on the land, not a famine of bread or water, but of hearing the words of the Lord.
Jotham is king of Judah and does what is pleasing to the Lord, but doesn't destroy the pagan temples.
Micah is grieving over God's message to Samaria and Jerusalem. Ahaz is now king of Judah. He did NOT do what was pleasing to God...even sacrificed his own sons in the fire.
God told King Ahaz-unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm.
Isaiah 8:13 "Make the Lord of Heaven's Armies holy in your life. He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble."
Isaiah 12 is a song of praise for salvation. Hezekiah at the age of 25 becomes King and does what is pleasing to God.
"But then I will win her [Israel] back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of Hope."...Hosea 2:14-15
"Even though I gave them all my laws they act as if those laws don't apply to them" Hosea 8:12
Hosea is mourning for God has taken his hand of protection away from His beloved Israel. God gives them the prayer that would satisfy His anger: "Forgive all our sins and graciously receive us, so that we may offer you our praise. Assyria cannot save us, nor can our warhorses. Never again will we say to the idols we have made 'you are our gods!' No, in You alone do the orphans find mercy."
Isaiah 28:16 "Look I am placing a foundation stone in Jerusalem--a firm and tested stone. It is a precious cornerstone that is safe to build on. Whoever believes need never be shaken." Another version says "Anyone who trusts in him will never be disgraced."
"What sorrow for those who drag their sins behind them as ropes made of lies, who drag wickedness behind them like a cart."
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Interesting reading...
2 Samuel 22:17 "He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.
David takes a census...against God's authority. He has 1,300,000 fighting men. Then David's conscience begins to bother him. David was given 3 choices for payment of his sin. He chose the one that would cause less deaths, but still 70,000 people died. God instructed David to build an altar...a man offered his own oxen, but David said "I will not present burnt offerings to the Lord that have cost me nothing." David charges his son Solomon with building the temple of God. The Levites are divided by clans. David gives his son Solomon the Kingdom.
Gatekeepers and leaders were chosen. Solomon is charged by David to obey...to rule with integrity. David turned the plans over to Solomon as how the temple should be built. David prays a beautiful prayer of dedication to the building of the temple.
Adonijah, a son of David never disciplined decided he wanted to be king. David gives final instructions to Solomon, and dies.
Psalms of David
Ps. 22 "Though I feel abandoned by you, You are holy, my ancestors trusted in you.
Ps. 25 "For the honor of your name O Lord, forgive my many sins.
"If I had not confessed the sin in my heart the Lord would not have listened."
Psalm 108...I will wake the dawn with my song.
Psalm 141:3 Take control of what I say O Lord and guard my lips.
Psalms of David's minstrels:
"Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God and keep the vows you made to the most high.
Psalm 73:26-26 "Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth., My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart, He is mine forever."
Solomon asks for nothing but wisdom. God gives him everything plus wisdom.
The temple begins construction 480 years after the Israelites left Egypt. It took 7 years to build. It took Solomon 13 years to build himself a palace...then the temple of the Lord was built.
The ark is brought to the temple. "The priests could not continue their service because the cloud, for the glorious presence of the Lord filled the temple." NOW THAT'S REVIVAL!
2 Chronicles 6:32 In the future foreigners who do not belong to your people Israel will hear you. They will come from distant lands when they hear of your great name and strong hand and your powerful arm.
Praise the Lord who has given rest to His people, just as he promised.
Solomon's reign was peaceful and full of wisdom.
1 Kings 4:20 The people of Judah and Israel were an numerous as the sands on the seashore.
Psalm 72...written by Solomon..."Give your love for justice to the king, O God."
Getting wisdom is the best thing you can do and whatever else you do develop good judgment.
Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. If you search for good you will find favor, but if you search for evil, it will find you.
Those who fear the Lord are secure. He will be a refuge for their children. If you listen to constructive criticism you will be at home with the wise.
David takes a census...against God's authority. He has 1,300,000 fighting men. Then David's conscience begins to bother him. David was given 3 choices for payment of his sin. He chose the one that would cause less deaths, but still 70,000 people died. God instructed David to build an altar...a man offered his own oxen, but David said "I will not present burnt offerings to the Lord that have cost me nothing." David charges his son Solomon with building the temple of God. The Levites are divided by clans. David gives his son Solomon the Kingdom.
Gatekeepers and leaders were chosen. Solomon is charged by David to obey...to rule with integrity. David turned the plans over to Solomon as how the temple should be built. David prays a beautiful prayer of dedication to the building of the temple.
Adonijah, a son of David never disciplined decided he wanted to be king. David gives final instructions to Solomon, and dies.
Psalms of David
Ps. 22 "Though I feel abandoned by you, You are holy, my ancestors trusted in you.
Ps. 25 "For the honor of your name O Lord, forgive my many sins.
"If I had not confessed the sin in my heart the Lord would not have listened."
Psalm 108...I will wake the dawn with my song.
Psalm 141:3 Take control of what I say O Lord and guard my lips.
Psalms of David's minstrels:
"Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God and keep the vows you made to the most high.
Psalm 73:26-26 "Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth., My health may fail and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart, He is mine forever."
Solomon asks for nothing but wisdom. God gives him everything plus wisdom.
The temple begins construction 480 years after the Israelites left Egypt. It took 7 years to build. It took Solomon 13 years to build himself a palace...then the temple of the Lord was built.
The ark is brought to the temple. "The priests could not continue their service because the cloud, for the glorious presence of the Lord filled the temple." NOW THAT'S REVIVAL!
2 Chronicles 6:32 In the future foreigners who do not belong to your people Israel will hear you. They will come from distant lands when they hear of your great name and strong hand and your powerful arm.
Praise the Lord who has given rest to His people, just as he promised.
Solomon's reign was peaceful and full of wisdom.
1 Kings 4:20 The people of Judah and Israel were an numerous as the sands on the seashore.
Psalm 72...written by Solomon..."Give your love for justice to the king, O God."
Getting wisdom is the best thing you can do and whatever else you do develop good judgment.
Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. If you search for good you will find favor, but if you search for evil, it will find you.
Those who fear the Lord are secure. He will be a refuge for their children. If you listen to constructive criticism you will be at home with the wise.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
reading the Bible through...
I'm still reading the Bible chronologically.
Here's a little I've read.
April 1- once again The Angel of the Lord has come to rescue Israel from their wicked ways. . . reminding them once again of their historical past. He charges Gideon with defeating the enemy. Gideon balks even after being approached by The Angel of the Lord. Yahweh Shalom---The Lord is Peace. Gideon's name is changed to Jerubbaal...meaning Let Baal defend himself.
2. After testing God-Jerubbaal went to defeat Midian. God shaved the army down to 300 men. Gideon made an ornament out of the plunder and his relatives began to worship it.
3. Abimelech killed all of Gideon's sons and became ruler. Abimelech warred against the people slaying thousands. As he confronted a tower where the remnant was hiding a woman tossed a millstone-which hit him on the head. He had one of his warriors kill him because he didn't want to go down in history as a king who was killed by a woman.
4. "Be careful of the vows you make to God!" Samson is born. What a spoiled brat.
5. Samson meets Delilah.
6. Israel has no king. The city of Benjamin had become full of sin. The other 11 tribes fought against them and after 3 days won.
7. Ruth 2:12 "May the Lord, The God of Israel under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done."
8. Boaz took Ruth home & made her his wife. 1 Samuel ...Hannah is mourning about not having children.
9. Samuel stays with the priest, Eli...whose sons were very wicked...thumbing their noses at God's rules. Thus Eli's branch of the Levites would be cut off for future generations. Messages from God were rare and visions were quite uncommon.
10. Israel is defeated by the Philistines when Eli heard the news he fell backwards, broke his neck and died. The Ark had been captured. God allowed Eli and his descendants to die because of the sons' sons. Philistines had a few problems w/ the Ark of the Covenant. "Who is able to stand in the presence of the Lord, this holy God" The Ark stayed with Eleazar for twenty years.Israel mourned because it seemed God had abandoned them. Samuel told them to get rid of their idols and they did. But they feared when the philistines mounted an attack, but God spoke like thunder and confused the enemy. After all this time, Israel starts asking for a king...again.
11. Saul and Samuel meet. Saul was so humble as a young man.
12. Saul was 50 when he became King and he reigned for 42 years. He had 4 sons. Then Saul takes matters into his own hands instead of waiting on Samuel. Saul makes a foolish oath of fasting...the whole army fasting while in the heat of battle. Jonathan didn't hear it and ate anyway and was refreshed.
13. Saul was told by God to destroy their enemies down to all the livestock...but he did not. He kept the King and the livestock . Samuel cried out to the Lord all night long and now Saul tells Samuel that the Lord is Samuel's God. What is more pleasing? Burnt offerings and sacrifices or obedience to His voice? Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft and stubbornness as bad as worshipping idols. David becomes Saul's favorite armor bearer.
Here's a little I've read.
April 1- once again The Angel of the Lord has come to rescue Israel from their wicked ways. . . reminding them once again of their historical past. He charges Gideon with defeating the enemy. Gideon balks even after being approached by The Angel of the Lord. Yahweh Shalom---The Lord is Peace. Gideon's name is changed to Jerubbaal...meaning Let Baal defend himself.
2. After testing God-Jerubbaal went to defeat Midian. God shaved the army down to 300 men. Gideon made an ornament out of the plunder and his relatives began to worship it.
3. Abimelech killed all of Gideon's sons and became ruler. Abimelech warred against the people slaying thousands. As he confronted a tower where the remnant was hiding a woman tossed a millstone-which hit him on the head. He had one of his warriors kill him because he didn't want to go down in history as a king who was killed by a woman.
4. "Be careful of the vows you make to God!" Samson is born. What a spoiled brat.
5. Samson meets Delilah.
6. Israel has no king. The city of Benjamin had become full of sin. The other 11 tribes fought against them and after 3 days won.
7. Ruth 2:12 "May the Lord, The God of Israel under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done."
8. Boaz took Ruth home & made her his wife. 1 Samuel ...Hannah is mourning about not having children.
9. Samuel stays with the priest, Eli...whose sons were very wicked...thumbing their noses at God's rules. Thus Eli's branch of the Levites would be cut off for future generations. Messages from God were rare and visions were quite uncommon.
10. Israel is defeated by the Philistines when Eli heard the news he fell backwards, broke his neck and died. The Ark had been captured. God allowed Eli and his descendants to die because of the sons' sons. Philistines had a few problems w/ the Ark of the Covenant. "Who is able to stand in the presence of the Lord, this holy God" The Ark stayed with Eleazar for twenty years.Israel mourned because it seemed God had abandoned them. Samuel told them to get rid of their idols and they did. But they feared when the philistines mounted an attack, but God spoke like thunder and confused the enemy. After all this time, Israel starts asking for a king...again.
11. Saul and Samuel meet. Saul was so humble as a young man.
12. Saul was 50 when he became King and he reigned for 42 years. He had 4 sons. Then Saul takes matters into his own hands instead of waiting on Samuel. Saul makes a foolish oath of fasting...the whole army fasting while in the heat of battle. Jonathan didn't hear it and ate anyway and was refreshed.
13. Saul was told by God to destroy their enemies down to all the livestock...but he did not. He kept the King and the livestock . Samuel cried out to the Lord all night long and now Saul tells Samuel that the Lord is Samuel's God. What is more pleasing? Burnt offerings and sacrifices or obedience to His voice? Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft and stubbornness as bad as worshipping idols. David becomes Saul's favorite armor bearer.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Diamonds on the floor
Accountability. Ew. Sometimes I just don't want to hear it! My prayer/accountability partner, Gail Mashburn nails me with conviction a lot. Our prayer time Monday night was very revealing...sweet, convicting and today...welcoming. I've had a lingering major prayer request that I cannot even utter. Only two people in the whole world know about this request. Gail who is my current prayer partner and my beloved friend, Denise Prudhomme. It has weighed heavy on me for almost two years. Last night while praying with Gail, (and emailing, calling and texting my friend Denise) I realized I needed to let go of the burden, quit praying that God would work it out my way and just give it to Him.
And Gail said, "That what I have been praying for you for over a year now."
Okay...so I'm slow.
I just wanted to fix things by praying and letting God know the way I thought it should be fixed. Last night in tears and true agony, I gave it up...and my prayer/accountability partner was right beside me crying too. I quote a line from a song... "she started crying...I didn't know what to do...so I sat there and I cried too"--teardrops as diamonds on the floor. That's my sweet friends. Their teardrops with/for me are like precious diamonds.
Just one more stepping stone of faith. Giving up my wants and needs and asking God for His.
It has been some kind of struggle. A faith builder. Now that I've let go... God can work.
Just got this devotional today...which seems confirmation of what I have released. I love it when God reassures us that we are walking the way He wants us to walk.
____________________________________________________________________
From Our Father's Heart
5/05/2010
Guard your heart!
There is an onslaught of deception
that has been loosed in this world,
and you need to be able to discern truth.
Your ability to overcome the deception that is prevalent,
and that which is to come,
will be directly related to how much you devote yourself to Me
and how much My Word reigns in your heart.
You will have little power to see
if I am not allowed to see for you.
You will be deceived by what is spoken
if My Word and My Holy Spirit do not filter truth from error for you.
Beginning now, you must find all the areas in your life
that do not belong to Me,
those areas that have not been put under My Lordship.
These are areas that you have been functioning in
with your own wisdom, strength, and power.
They are the most vulnerable to the enemy.
These areas are susceptible to deception, confusion, and folly.
Great harm will soon come to you
through these breaches in your spiritual hedge
if they have not been given to Me.
Find where you are functioning in your own gifts and abilities.
Find where you are so comfortable that you do not need Me.
Surrender your most minute sins,
your smallest indiscretions, your bits of judgment,
your wandering thoughts.
Repent of them.
Give them to Me.
Let My Holy Spirit show you what they are
and submit them to My Word so that you will be safe.
Holding on to them is not wise.
In fact, if you choose to harbor them in your heart,
they will soon take you places
that are not safe for you to be.
I am not in those places.
You really do not want to go there.
Isaiah 30:21-22 NIV Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
22) Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, "Away with you!"
Mark 4:24 AMP And He said to them, Be careful what you are hearing. The measure [of thought and study] you give [to the truth you hear] will be the measure [of virtue and knowledge] that comes back to you - and more [besides] will be given to you who hear.
If we disobey any of the physical laws, we naturally pay the consequences. If you stick your hand into a fire, you will get burned. If you jump off a building, gravity will do its job. You will land hard, possibly hard enough to kill you.
There are consequences to us if we violate the laws of society. If we break them, we pay the penalty.
Why is it that we pay so little attention to the directions that have been provided for us in God's Word? Following the Lord would seem to be the wisest course of action we could ever take. In fact, throughout the Word it says that if we do not follow Him, our lives will be out of order. Almost on a regular basis, we deviate from those cautions, hedge on our commitment, discard His warnings; and then wonder why our lives are out of order. It really makes little sense.
When I remember how out-of-line my life was when I didn't follow the Word and its directions, even after I came to the Lord, I realize how much more difficult it will be to do so as times get more deceptive. I won't have a chance unless I determine in my heart to take His cautions very seriously and then follow through to the point of complete submission to Him in every area of my life.
Needing His power to even start,
Jim Corbett
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Testing...One Two Three
I am really being tested as God grows my faith. I'll write about it later.
Just know this one thing...
The testing makes me happy...
If God didn't love me...he wouldn't test me.
It's time to expand the elastic of my heart and trust Him deeper.
I just can't wait to see what God is going to do with this willing heart.
(Am I shaking in my boots....? You betcha!)
Just know this one thing...
The testing makes me happy...
If God didn't love me...he wouldn't test me.
It's time to expand the elastic of my heart and trust Him deeper.
I just can't wait to see what God is going to do with this willing heart.
(Am I shaking in my boots....? You betcha!)
Friday, April 2, 2010
Being real
I touched on the subject of this particular blog with my daughter in law and it has just 'haunted' me. I need to tell the story, the whole story. It's not something someone can make up...this really happened.
I was five years old in my Christian walk. 35 years old...old enough to know better. Hadn't dated in over 5 years. Wanted someone to love me, desiring to be desired.
A man I know from work hopped on my desk and asked me out. I was so giddy. This is what I knew about him...he was not a Christian and he was a very wild person. But then I thought I could be good enough for both of us. And anyway...he had been the ONLY person that had acted like he was attracted to me. He pursued me for days and days and days. . . until I decided it must be GOD'S will, because God would protect me if it wasn't.
So I went out with him. We 'dated' for two years. It is true the bad people never rise to a good person's status...it's always the other way around. I compromised everything I believed in. Many of my Christian friends warned me I was going to get hurt...but they didn't know him. They didn't know how he loved me...they didn't realize that no one else was interested in me...and it just HAD to be God's will for me.
And then it happened. One day he left. He said as he walked out of my life "I always thought you were different than most women I knew...but now...I see you're just the same."
Compromise makes you blend in with the world.
My heart was broken in two. I think I cried non-stop for 3 days. My insides hurt. I hurt because I had loved him so much...and then I began to hurt because reality set in and what I had done to my Lord and Savior was even worse.
I sat on the bed and wept because I had sinned so flagrantly. And didn't even want to acknowledge it until I had lost everything. My friends...my family kept telling me I was going to get hurt... and after two years of warnings their words came true.
I began to teach literacy to this HUGE black man. His name was Ollie. He was 45 years old. He knew the Bible, could quote any scripture for you, but had never learned to read. And his desire what not only to know the word of God, but to read the word of God.
What a godly man he was. He was not only a man's man--6'6" and as muscled wide as he was tall, he was God's man. We had known each other while I was in the middle of my sin...and now here I was, broken in two...trying to pretend that nothing was wrong.
This is the part that sometimes people have a hard time putting their minds around...but it really did happen.
This particular Wednesday night, Ollie and I met in one of the classrooms at church and started on our lesson. He always called me "Ms. Teacher".
"Ms. Teacher," he said. "Something is wrong, tell me."
I declined and said we had to get back to our studies.
The room became dim --and Ollie-- I guess I can only describe it as he was 'glowing.' There was an aura around him .... I just kept staring at him wondering what was happening.
He pointed to his right...and as I followed his hand his finger pointed toward a chair...sitting in a room full of chairs...but I only saw that one.
He said "Ouida," (he never called me by my name!!!!) "You see that chair sitting there?"
"Yes," I said very quietly.
"God told you to sit there and wait. But while you've been away, your mate came by and you missed him."
I stared at Ollie and the lights came on again and he was looking normal again acting as if nothing had happened. And I sat there with my mouth opened and tears of regret, tears of remorse and tears of denial falling down my face.
Ollie wanted to know what was wrong.
"Don't you know what just happened?" I nearly screamed! He shook his head no.
"Ms. Teacher, why are you crying?"
And I confessed to him about my sin. He laid those big hands on my head and prayed one of the sweetest prayer for me. After he had prayed, I asked God to forgive my sin, cleanse me, break me, bend me, whatever He needed to do to keep me from rebelling again.
It was a very hard time of revelation for me. Knowing my sin caused me to lose what God had in store for me. I know too well what happens when we don't listen to those who truly love us... and I know even 20 years later that God doesn't change to accommodate for the sin...He allows our sins to have consequences... life long consequences.
I still regret my sin...not hopeless about it, for I know I've been forgiven. As God allowed Moses to walk to the top of the mountain and view the Promised Land...I know too well how he felt as he realized he would never enter it.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
I cling to Isaiah 54 these days. Knowing that God is my husband...and that is and will be the best for me.
I was five years old in my Christian walk. 35 years old...old enough to know better. Hadn't dated in over 5 years. Wanted someone to love me, desiring to be desired.
A man I know from work hopped on my desk and asked me out. I was so giddy. This is what I knew about him...he was not a Christian and he was a very wild person. But then I thought I could be good enough for both of us. And anyway...he had been the ONLY person that had acted like he was attracted to me. He pursued me for days and days and days. . . until I decided it must be GOD'S will, because God would protect me if it wasn't.
So I went out with him. We 'dated' for two years. It is true the bad people never rise to a good person's status...it's always the other way around. I compromised everything I believed in. Many of my Christian friends warned me I was going to get hurt...but they didn't know him. They didn't know how he loved me...they didn't realize that no one else was interested in me...and it just HAD to be God's will for me.
And then it happened. One day he left. He said as he walked out of my life "I always thought you were different than most women I knew...but now...I see you're just the same."
Compromise makes you blend in with the world.
My heart was broken in two. I think I cried non-stop for 3 days. My insides hurt. I hurt because I had loved him so much...and then I began to hurt because reality set in and what I had done to my Lord and Savior was even worse.
I sat on the bed and wept because I had sinned so flagrantly. And didn't even want to acknowledge it until I had lost everything. My friends...my family kept telling me I was going to get hurt... and after two years of warnings their words came true.
I began to teach literacy to this HUGE black man. His name was Ollie. He was 45 years old. He knew the Bible, could quote any scripture for you, but had never learned to read. And his desire what not only to know the word of God, but to read the word of God.
What a godly man he was. He was not only a man's man--6'6" and as muscled wide as he was tall, he was God's man. We had known each other while I was in the middle of my sin...and now here I was, broken in two...trying to pretend that nothing was wrong.
This is the part that sometimes people have a hard time putting their minds around...but it really did happen.
This particular Wednesday night, Ollie and I met in one of the classrooms at church and started on our lesson. He always called me "Ms. Teacher".
"Ms. Teacher," he said. "Something is wrong, tell me."
I declined and said we had to get back to our studies.
The room became dim --and Ollie-- I guess I can only describe it as he was 'glowing.' There was an aura around him .... I just kept staring at him wondering what was happening.
He pointed to his right...and as I followed his hand his finger pointed toward a chair...sitting in a room full of chairs...but I only saw that one.
He said "Ouida," (he never called me by my name!!!!) "You see that chair sitting there?"
"Yes," I said very quietly.
"God told you to sit there and wait. But while you've been away, your mate came by and you missed him."
I stared at Ollie and the lights came on again and he was looking normal again acting as if nothing had happened. And I sat there with my mouth opened and tears of regret, tears of remorse and tears of denial falling down my face.
Ollie wanted to know what was wrong.
"Don't you know what just happened?" I nearly screamed! He shook his head no.
"Ms. Teacher, why are you crying?"
And I confessed to him about my sin. He laid those big hands on my head and prayed one of the sweetest prayer for me. After he had prayed, I asked God to forgive my sin, cleanse me, break me, bend me, whatever He needed to do to keep me from rebelling again.
It was a very hard time of revelation for me. Knowing my sin caused me to lose what God had in store for me. I know too well what happens when we don't listen to those who truly love us... and I know even 20 years later that God doesn't change to accommodate for the sin...He allows our sins to have consequences... life long consequences.
I still regret my sin...not hopeless about it, for I know I've been forgiven. As God allowed Moses to walk to the top of the mountain and view the Promised Land...I know too well how he felt as he realized he would never enter it.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
I cling to Isaiah 54 these days. Knowing that God is my husband...and that is and will be the best for me.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Wow...wish I could re-raise my children.
Sometimes I think I should have a second chance to raise my children. I was such a child when I had my first one. There are parents in this world that I could certainly glean from. And here's the link to one of them.
http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-dont-want-my-children-to-be-happy.html
http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-dont-want-my-children-to-be-happy.html
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