sometimes you just have to put them on and get over it.

Shouldn't I feel that way?

I'm so glad God has made us so different. I'm certainly glad He allowed me to have the feelings I have. One thing I'm constantly working on is my core woundedness.

That's the deepest part of me. The part when something happens now, I get flashbacks of being broken many years ago. We all have a core wound. We all have that one thing (some have more).

This past Sunday something happened that took me back to my core woundedness and I felt like the person who was picked last to be on a team. The little girl who didn't belong. The outcast. The lonely girl who didn't make friends and was afraid to speak up.

It's amazing to me how satan knows that button to push at such a time. What's even more amazing is that God has taught me to recognize when that button is pushed and He has helped me to know how to act and react.

I must admit, my initial reaction was knee-jerk and hateful. But if I would have stayed in that frame of mind, I would have missed an excellent sermon. And then it was a duh thing. I needed to hear the message... and a worthless imp tried to take that away from me.

I also teach a class. After the worship time, I had to face the very person who brought me to my knees (metaphorically, of course.) I wanted to let her know she was wrong to do me that way.

But God...

I love those words.

What was meant to harm, turned into good. As I began to teach my lesson, forgetfulness stepped in and the grace of God overwhelmed me. I must set aside me... and just brag about Him.

My latest painting

This is my 2nd oil painting. I have just a few 'touch-ups' to do. Gregg Williams has been teaching me and another lady how to paint with oils. I've painted with watercolors before...and that's like the total opposite of what I'm doing now. I have to erase everything I know about watercolor so I can paint in oils.

I'm very pleased with this. Who knew I could paint a straight line????

Had fun doing the splashes last night. I painted with sound effects. Sorry it can't be heard in the painting!

Not a Popular Feeling

Yesterday as the verdit for the murder of little Caylee Anthony was read, my first reaction was "Oh my goodness."

Then the relationship kicked in that I have with Jesus. I try to keep Him forefront in all my thoughts and emotions... my opinions and my 'feelings.'

First, we don't know all the facts. Probably never will. But the media would want us to believe one thing. The truth may be totally opposite of what we read and hear through the media (even FoxNews!)

Second. This is what we should believe. God is merciful. Mercy. The jury looked at the facts. Twelve of Casey Anthony peers judged her. They, instead of using their feelings, saw the facts. Mercy.

Third, someone murdered a little girl. Whether it actually was Casey, we will probably never know. But this one thing I do know. God will have the last word. And in that... we should rest.

Casey Anthony needs Jesus. She needs Him in the worst way. And we need to pray that we would have the privilege to love her enough to show her The Beloved Savior.

As I pondered all my thoughts, I began to see the picture on the big screen from last Sunday. An American Medic, carrying a wounded warrior to safety. That warrior being carried was not just a warrior...he was the enemy. An Iraqi solider.

The media was screaming to the medic to drop him. Leave him to die.

The soldier...I'm sure in a most dignified manner... shot the media a hand signal and said something like " &*##, he's wounded and we're Americans."

Consider yourself carrying Casey Anthony from harm's way. She is wounded...and she's an American. Let us join together and pray.

1. Pray that God's mercy would overwhelm the responsible party who caused the death of little Caylee Anthony and that there would be a confession and justice for an unspeakable murder.
2. Pray that Casey Anthony would recognize God's mercy in her life.
3. Pray for the healing of the Anthony family. It is a broken dysfunctional mess.
4. Pray that God will get the glory.

Lastly, Jesus said in Matthew 7: 1-5
1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

Where There is Forgiveness...There is Freedom

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs016/1101889363883/archive/1104355929761.html

If I Could

If I could take this away from you my friend, I would. I love you that much.

If I could suffer the pain for you, I would. I love you that much.

If I could, I would snatch this from you and fight it until it was dead.

If I could, I would stand between the sickness and your body and dare it to touch you again.

I cannot.

But...

what I can do is get on my knees and pray for you. I'll ask our Husband to take away the sickness that has invaded your body. I'm asking Him to once again perform a miracle.

You've been my rock, my friend. Now...rest and let me be yours.

I love you.
Ouida

1 Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Missing

I'm missing... me.

I've been too busy... been too tired... been too driven to sit down and be my own company.

I thought once my children were raised my life would be easier. But in fact it is harder. I miss my children. I miss having conversations with them on a daily basis. I miss knowing they are safe and sound under my roof.

And now I have three beautiful grandchildren. I miss watching them grow up. I miss keeping up with their daily lives. Who lost a tooth...Who is sick...Who is well... What deep thoughts did they have this day.

I miss that part of me who was all nuturing. Always there for my children. I miss caring for someone else... I miss that me.

Today there's another me. The one I'm supposed to be in this transitional time of my life. I'm busy hearing sad stories of those who have encountered life-altering circumstances...like death...like sicknesses...like divorce. God has given me another nuturing me...one who surrounds strangers with prayers and listens in between the sobs... in between the words ... in between the heartaches... and I hear the sorrow, the pain and the hopelessness.

God has graced me with the ability to see what is missing in someone's life, and fill them up with His Word, His Light, His Treasures.

I received such a compliment today and really wanted to ignore it. But God in His infinite wisdom told me to reread it. To swallow it, digest it and allow it to become even more of who I am in Him.

I am missing part of me... but in the place of what is missing, God is bringing platefuls of 'filler' so I can become the woman I was meant to be.