changes are changing

There are so many thoughts jumbled in my head lately. The biggest thought is that I can't seem to get organized at home. I have boxes all over my living room where I've packed stuff from the guest room so I could paint it...over 2 months ago. Still haven't finished painting the ceiling.

I have boxes of stuff I brought home from my mother's storage shed (now, why would my mother pack rolls of paper towels?) Everything is in disarray in my living room.

I have rolls of calendars that my mother kept journals on (from 1971 and up.) I'm trying to get everything into the computer so I can make a "diary" of sorts for my siblings along with a scrapbook of pictures that I also brought home with me.

I love order. (My daughter used to make fun of me when I'd go to the grocery store...my grocery cart was always so organized.)

And yet...everything is so out of order in my life and I can't begin to put things in place. My mind is going in too many directions and I can't seem to complete a task.

In 1996 I remember the last 6 months very well. I prepared to sell my big house that I had raised my kids in--painting, cleaning the yard, cleaning carpets, wallpapering...

...my son went to live with his grandparents (Oh please...he was 21) and my daughter graduated and two days later my oldest son got married then just a few months later the house sold I bought my two youngest children and myself cars...

and then my father died. I know he was 82 years old... but he went so suddenly we didn't have time to prepare.

And my apartment got messy. I couldn't find a place for anything. Everything bothered me and I felt so unsettled.

I think I'm at that same crossroads again. I'm unsettled. Trying to get my condo ready to put on the market is taking longer than I ever wanted. I can't seem to get anything done and I'm just downright tired...

The only constant in life is change... I welcome change... I just wish I could organize my life a little better while it changes.