I'm missing... me.
I've been too busy... been too tired... been too driven to sit down and be my own company.
I thought once my children were raised my life would be easier. But in fact it is harder. I miss my children. I miss having conversations with them on a daily basis. I miss knowing they are safe and sound under my roof.
And now I have three beautiful grandchildren. I miss watching them grow up. I miss keeping up with their daily lives. Who lost a tooth...Who is sick...Who is well... What deep thoughts did they have this day.
I miss that part of me who was all nuturing. Always there for my children. I miss caring for someone else... I miss that me.
Today there's another me. The one I'm supposed to be in this transitional time of my life. I'm busy hearing sad stories of those who have encountered life-altering circumstances...like death...like sicknesses...like divorce. God has given me another nuturing me...one who surrounds strangers with prayers and listens in between the sobs... in between the words ... in between the heartaches... and I hear the sorrow, the pain and the hopelessness.
God has graced me with the ability to see what is missing in someone's life, and fill them up with His Word, His Light, His Treasures.
I received such a compliment today and really wanted to ignore it. But God in His infinite wisdom told me to reread it. To swallow it, digest it and allow it to become even more of who I am in Him.
I am missing part of me... but in the place of what is missing, God is bringing platefuls of 'filler' so I can become the woman I was meant to be.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Gift
Struggling through 2011 has been just that in some ways. Somehow I KNEW it was going to be a financially trying time and sure enough, it's happening.
I spent the last half of 2010 spending well over $3000 trying to get my body to cooperate with me. It didn't take. So I continue to spend untold amounts of money on manipulation and now massage therapy (bless my heart!) The massage I like...the money draining I don't.
Car needed four tires... plus the rotors were bad, so had them replaced along with new brake pads. The check engine light had been on for two years. I learned how to "work around" the system for two years, but was truly afraid I wouldn't get by again. So had to have my catalytic converter replaced.
My sweet friend accidently ran into my back bumper on my car, so had that replaced... my car is very happy now.
And then, the Condo board decided that they needed to assess the owners for the 2nd year in a row...another $1000. They are benevolent though. They sent the notice the first of May and said they'd give us until July 1st to get it together before they start charging interest. Joy.
Sounds like the glass is half empty?
No not really. One thing God has always tested me on is my finances. I continue to ask, have I REALLY NOT LEARNED THIS LESSON YET????
But then I smile. God loves me so much that He desires that I live HIS way, not mine. Look at the financial mess I'm in, compared to His richness. I'm doing it His way this year.
Don't know where the other $600 will come from for the assessment, but for some reason, it just doesn't bother me like it used to. I know my Caretaker, My Husband, my Love... and He is not just going to do the best for me... He is DESTINED to do the best for me.
I spent the last half of 2010 spending well over $3000 trying to get my body to cooperate with me. It didn't take. So I continue to spend untold amounts of money on manipulation and now massage therapy (bless my heart!) The massage I like...the money draining I don't.
Car needed four tires... plus the rotors were bad, so had them replaced along with new brake pads. The check engine light had been on for two years. I learned how to "work around" the system for two years, but was truly afraid I wouldn't get by again. So had to have my catalytic converter replaced.
My sweet friend accidently ran into my back bumper on my car, so had that replaced... my car is very happy now.
And then, the Condo board decided that they needed to assess the owners for the 2nd year in a row...another $1000. They are benevolent though. They sent the notice the first of May and said they'd give us until July 1st to get it together before they start charging interest. Joy.
Sounds like the glass is half empty?
No not really. One thing God has always tested me on is my finances. I continue to ask, have I REALLY NOT LEARNED THIS LESSON YET????
But then I smile. God loves me so much that He desires that I live HIS way, not mine. Look at the financial mess I'm in, compared to His richness. I'm doing it His way this year.
Don't know where the other $600 will come from for the assessment, but for some reason, it just doesn't bother me like it used to. I know my Caretaker, My Husband, my Love... and He is not just going to do the best for me... He is DESTINED to do the best for me.
Friday, May 6, 2011
It isn't satan's fault...it's mine.
"Of all the sins, pride is probably the most subtle and the most dangerous. Pride is a trap to those in the ministry, and it is one we need to be constantly on our guard to avoid. It is the sin by which Satan fell, and he is an expert at deceiving even the godliest of men to fall into its trap.
"Pride is a sin. It is one of the sins that we inflict upon ourselves, which can cause us to become a stench in the nostrils of our God. It is not caused by anyone else, only by ourselves. We can't even blame Satan for putting this temptation in our way."--Rich Murphy
Pride... it comes with a price.
Being unteachable is pride.
"Pride drastically hinders revival because it padlocks the spirit, shutting the soul off in its own darkness and blocking it from dealing not only with pride itself (for "those that are spiritual proud, have a high conceit of these two things, viz. their light, and their humility") but with every other area of the flesh. Because spiritual pride is so secretive, it is hard to detect except through its effects. Edwards proceeds therefore to analyze these effects, noting that they are generally opposite counterparts to the fruits of the Spirit:
"Spiritual pride is very apt to suspect others; whereas an humble saint is most jealous of himself, he is so suspicious of nothing in the world as he is of his own heart. The spiritually proud person is apt to find fault with other saints, that they are low in grace; and to be much in observing how cold and dead they are; and being quick to discern and take notice of their deficiencies. But the eminently humble Christian has so much to do at home . . . that he is not apt to be very busy with other hearts . . . He is apt to esteem others better than himself, and is ready to hope that there is nobody but what has more love and thankfulness to God than he, and cannot bear to think that others should bring forth no more fruit to God’s honour than he." --Richard Lovelace
Pride is the words "I KNOW."
Pride is the words "LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I THINK."
Pride is the action of "I DON'T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN RIGHT NOW."
PRIDE is the result of sin.
I fight pride every minute. I fight it when preparing my lessons each week. The most dangerous part of pride is believing I don't have to study, because I already know enough about the subject. May I continue to fight this sin... it isn't satan... it's me.--
"Pride is a sin. It is one of the sins that we inflict upon ourselves, which can cause us to become a stench in the nostrils of our God. It is not caused by anyone else, only by ourselves. We can't even blame Satan for putting this temptation in our way."--Rich Murphy
Pride... it comes with a price.
Being unteachable is pride.
"Pride drastically hinders revival because it padlocks the spirit, shutting the soul off in its own darkness and blocking it from dealing not only with pride itself (for "those that are spiritual proud, have a high conceit of these two things, viz. their light, and their humility") but with every other area of the flesh. Because spiritual pride is so secretive, it is hard to detect except through its effects. Edwards proceeds therefore to analyze these effects, noting that they are generally opposite counterparts to the fruits of the Spirit:
"Spiritual pride is very apt to suspect others; whereas an humble saint is most jealous of himself, he is so suspicious of nothing in the world as he is of his own heart. The spiritually proud person is apt to find fault with other saints, that they are low in grace; and to be much in observing how cold and dead they are; and being quick to discern and take notice of their deficiencies. But the eminently humble Christian has so much to do at home . . . that he is not apt to be very busy with other hearts . . . He is apt to esteem others better than himself, and is ready to hope that there is nobody but what has more love and thankfulness to God than he, and cannot bear to think that others should bring forth no more fruit to God’s honour than he." --Richard Lovelace
Pride is the words "I KNOW."
Pride is the words "LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I THINK."
Pride is the action of "I DON'T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN RIGHT NOW."
PRIDE is the result of sin.
I fight pride every minute. I fight it when preparing my lessons each week. The most dangerous part of pride is believing I don't have to study, because I already know enough about the subject. May I continue to fight this sin... it isn't satan... it's me.--
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Sin
After years of taunting, murdering and blaming ... Osama bin Laden is dead. How does a Christian respond to this?
Just look and listen and many of the Christians I know are joyous and celebrating the death of an enemy. While I look, listen and hear, my heart is heavy. Not because an enemy died. I'm very glad this evil was stopped. My heart is so heavy because this man, this enemy, this evil person died...without knowing Jesus Christ. He thinks he's going to have virgins waiting on the other side to greet him and pleasure him the rest of eternity.
I wonder how many radical Islamists who have died wish they could reach out to their relatives and say "IT'S A LIE! IT'S A LIE!"
You know... we are studying Psalm 51 this coming Sunday...actually for two Sundays.
The similarity between bin Laden and David are extreme. Does that shock you? They both sinned against God. They both needed to face the same God. One went down with curses... one fell down on his face in a humble contrite way. One was forgiven. One will live eternally with Jesus Christ. All it takes is humility and sorrow for one's sin.
There is no other appropriate stance for a believer to take toward sin than absolute personal disgust and hatred about it. God has no tolerance for sin, and therefore neither should His people. We should be grieved to some extent over every single time that we fail to live up to God's standards. The good news is that for as much as we should have contempt for sin, we should rejoice in the total and complete restoration from sin that God offers. As the old hymn says, His grace is "greater than ALL my sin."
This week, read the whole Psalm 51. Read it deeply.
Just look and listen and many of the Christians I know are joyous and celebrating the death of an enemy. While I look, listen and hear, my heart is heavy. Not because an enemy died. I'm very glad this evil was stopped. My heart is so heavy because this man, this enemy, this evil person died...without knowing Jesus Christ. He thinks he's going to have virgins waiting on the other side to greet him and pleasure him the rest of eternity.
I wonder how many radical Islamists who have died wish they could reach out to their relatives and say "IT'S A LIE! IT'S A LIE!"
You know... we are studying Psalm 51 this coming Sunday...actually for two Sundays.
The similarity between bin Laden and David are extreme. Does that shock you? They both sinned against God. They both needed to face the same God. One went down with curses... one fell down on his face in a humble contrite way. One was forgiven. One will live eternally with Jesus Christ. All it takes is humility and sorrow for one's sin.
There is no other appropriate stance for a believer to take toward sin than absolute personal disgust and hatred about it. God has no tolerance for sin, and therefore neither should His people. We should be grieved to some extent over every single time that we fail to live up to God's standards. The good news is that for as much as we should have contempt for sin, we should rejoice in the total and complete restoration from sin that God offers. As the old hymn says, His grace is "greater than ALL my sin."
This week, read the whole Psalm 51. Read it deeply.
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