Alone Again

So once again, I'm alone.

Never lonely.

In the silence I hear the creaks of the building.

I hear the AC churning the air.

I hear silence.

and it's loud.

I smile as I live in the best area...part city/part country.

The mule is braying in the pasture outside.

I hear the man once again calling his dogs to come back home.

My neighbor slams her door AGAIN

And the world awakes one more time.

I read about David's trials as he runs in fear of death by Saul.

And I read where Saul is temporarily stunned and humbled by David's honor of "God's anoited one."

And I ponder...on this morning at 7:30 a.m., I had to scrape the ice off my car's windshield.

I marvel at life...as I am alone.

Prompted by the Holy Spirit

Each time I get a nudge in "my gut" about something I've said or done, I first get totally angry at my reckless words or deeds and then I immediately Praise God.
Weird, huh? Praising God for feeling 'guilty'.
It's in that millisecond of realizing I've sinned that I know God isn't finished with me yet...and I haven't 'vexed' the Holy Spirit to the point of silence.

This happened last week. I got that nudge and went to one of my friends after I had mumbled something about an activity that ticked me off. I went to her and apologized that those words even came out of my mouth. And then tears....because that was my heart speaking. The anger and unfairness I felt just fell out of my mouth like spit. YUCK...I hated that that was my heartfelt feelings.

I also confessed it to a dear friend. We cried together and I told her that I hated my attitude and needed an adjustment. I've asked God to forgive me...AGAIN... and all praise and glory to Jesus Christ...because of Him, my heart was renewed one more time and that reoccuring sin was once AGAIN forgiven.

But those feelings still come up like reflux...and I know I need to clean the rooms in my heart. There's no place for those thoughts and Jesus too.

Thankfully...He isn't finished with me yet.

"If you could see What I once was

If you could go with me--Back to where I started from
Then, I know you would see
A miracle of Love that put me in its sweet embrace
and made me what I am today
just an old sinner
Saved by grace."

Easter is Coming

I become breathless when I realize what Jesus did for me. I cry, rejoice, sob, clap my hands and then in a time of complete honesty, I get on my knees and thank my Savior for giving His life for me. I love Him.
“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. For the Lord has called you back from your grief— as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,” says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will take you back. In a burst of anger I turned my face away for a little while. But with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord, your Redeemer."
And He did...and He does.
Happy Easter.

QJO and Benise

Many years ago (about 1986 or 1987) I met Denise Prudhomme. She was a new Christian...I was a new Christian and we both trusted God like a baby trusts her parents to take care of her. We studied the word and began a prayer partnership that has lasted throughout the years.

We laughed when the children she babysat called her "Benise" instead of Denise. It stuck and that's my pet name for her.

We laughed when so many people misprounounced and misspelled my name...and she started calling me Quita Juanita Ouida...shortened to QJO.

Throughout these years, we've remained friends. She's married and lives in Charlotte...has a sweet son, Jacob...and her name has changed from Prudhomme to Goldman...but she will always be "Benise" to me.

I can't do this alone again.

I've had a new job umbrella (and I praise God that I have a job!). I am now working with Senior adults, benevolence...which I've always done, deaths, hospitals and grieving.

I can separate myself from someones pain. That doesn't mean that I don't feel anything, but I can be a lot more logical when someone else is going through pain than when I'm going through pain.

Last Monday a woman called. She's 61 and a single mom. Her son had a massive heart attack in front of her. He went without oxygen almost 20 minutes. She was calling from the hospital where the doctors had told her that she was going to have to make a decision on whether to keep him on life support.

I kept telling her that I needed her to calm down so I could understand her. Her sobs were coming from a place of twenty years ago, when her older son had been in a car wreck and the doctors had told her the same thing.

In her ravaged pain she said, "I can't do this alone again. I cannot make this decision on the only child I have left."

At that moment, I just started crying with her. She and I wept on the phone for about fifteen minutes. I asked her if I could pray with her and she said yes. Only God knows what I prayed...because my heart, the heart of a mother was praying not only for this woman's heart...but for my own children too.

Her son is still alive. A little brain function, kidneys are functioning...but nothing else. And she sits in the hospital, waiting on a miracle to save her only son. We've had a wonderful gifted lay pastor visiting with her who has taken a very active ministry role in her life and I know that comforts her.

Life is pain. But God is still good. Please pray for Jeff and his single mom Laura.

Praying Partners

I am so privileged to have so many praying partners. You women are indeed my wind at times my sails have collapsed.

Then I think of the times I've called you with good news. We laugh together and always one of us says...you remember we prayed for this.

I received the news from my dear daughter in law that Thatcher David Ray, at the age of 5 1/2 asked Jesus into his heart.

I cried.

I laughed.

I thanked God.

And I remembered...you and I prayed about this so many years ago...even when my children were yet children themselves.

And I become awed of the promises we have stood on all these years. God is good all the time. And your response?

"I want people to love me for whom I'm pretending to be."

Thank you if you are reading my blog. I have so many thinkisms that I think...and never write down. I REALLY need to be better at this.
On Facebook, the question was to look on page 56 of a book and write down the 5th line on the page.
I picked up Mike Williams' (3rd funniest man in America) book "Turkey Soup for the sarcastic Soul --Finding God in the simple, stupid and sarcastic moments of life."

The line read:
"I want people to love me for whom I'm pretending to be."

If you know Mike Williams...you know he cannot be serious for too long. But if you know Mike Williams...you also know his heart for missions and spreading God's Word through laughter. {PLUG: http://mikewilliams.tv/ }

So...even though the book is hilarious...and that line is about sitting in a therapist's office helping the therapist with jokes for an upcoming conference, Mike said, "I hate to talk to these guys. I always feel like they are psychoanalyzing me, and that makes the real me feel uncomfortable." And then he wrote the line in italics above.

That was the 5th line on the 56th page...and I can't get it out of my head.