I don't wanna be

Sometimes boredom has me hitting "next blog" at the top of the page, just to see other's blog. Most the time it's in spanish, french or some other foreign language. Sometimes, happily, it's in English.

I came upon a blog that reminded me of my own daughter-in-law's page (www.creolecrew.blogspot.com) so I read the first entry and laughed. Ah, to be young again.

The mother was writing about her eldest daughter who just kept hitting her little sister. Finally mom sat down with the daughter and gently tried to "persuade" the oldest sister to treat her baby sister with love.

The little girl's eyes brimmed with tears and the mother secretly was happy that words finally got into the little one's heart. The mother asked, "Why are you crying?"

The daughter answered, "I don't wanna be a sister."

Pain, agony and heartbreak went through the mother's thoughts.

The little darling continues, "I wanna be a dog."

Well, I laughed out loud, because I could just hear my own grandsons saying something like this...but I laughed because at least she was honest...
I think all of us wanna be something/someone else at any given time.

Sometimes....I just wanna be a kept woman. But there's no one to cry to...so I'm just keeping on.

Alone Again

So once again, I'm alone.

Never lonely.

In the silence I hear the creaks of the building.

I hear the AC churning the air.

I hear silence.

and it's loud.

I smile as I live in the best area...part city/part country.

The mule is braying in the pasture outside.

I hear the man once again calling his dogs to come back home.

My neighbor slams her door AGAIN

And the world awakes one more time.

I read about David's trials as he runs in fear of death by Saul.

And I read where Saul is temporarily stunned and humbled by David's honor of "God's anoited one."

And I ponder...on this morning at 7:30 a.m., I had to scrape the ice off my car's windshield.

I marvel at life...as I am alone.

Prompted by the Holy Spirit

Each time I get a nudge in "my gut" about something I've said or done, I first get totally angry at my reckless words or deeds and then I immediately Praise God.
Weird, huh? Praising God for feeling 'guilty'.
It's in that millisecond of realizing I've sinned that I know God isn't finished with me yet...and I haven't 'vexed' the Holy Spirit to the point of silence.

This happened last week. I got that nudge and went to one of my friends after I had mumbled something about an activity that ticked me off. I went to her and apologized that those words even came out of my mouth. And then tears....because that was my heart speaking. The anger and unfairness I felt just fell out of my mouth like spit. YUCK...I hated that that was my heartfelt feelings.

I also confessed it to a dear friend. We cried together and I told her that I hated my attitude and needed an adjustment. I've asked God to forgive me...AGAIN... and all praise and glory to Jesus Christ...because of Him, my heart was renewed one more time and that reoccuring sin was once AGAIN forgiven.

But those feelings still come up like reflux...and I know I need to clean the rooms in my heart. There's no place for those thoughts and Jesus too.

Thankfully...He isn't finished with me yet.

"If you could see What I once was

If you could go with me--Back to where I started from
Then, I know you would see
A miracle of Love that put me in its sweet embrace
and made me what I am today
just an old sinner
Saved by grace."

Easter is Coming

I become breathless when I realize what Jesus did for me. I cry, rejoice, sob, clap my hands and then in a time of complete honesty, I get on my knees and thank my Savior for giving His life for me. I love Him.
“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth. For the Lord has called you back from your grief— as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,” says your God. “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will take you back. In a burst of anger I turned my face away for a little while. But with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord, your Redeemer."
And He did...and He does.
Happy Easter.