Just love in return

After many years of comparisons... and realizing I could never live up to what the world found acceptable--(best clothes, biggest house, hobnobbing with the elite--living in the correct neighborhood) I accepted myself the way I was.

I realized I'd never fit in with the 'rich and famous'. I was segregated from the movers and shakers because I was divorced...not widowed (which is allowed.) I realized there would always be a judgment by those who were 'better' than me.

I learned a real life lesson during my years as a young Christian mom. No one... no one... was in charge of my self-esteem but me. I could wait for people to build me up, but they would disappoint. (because they are not God!) I could wait on one of my children to tell me their life was perfect... but that wasn't going to happen... nevertheless, I refused to resign. I kept plugging away to build my own garden of the necessary flowers that made me happy.

It's called survival skills. We can choose to learn them or always be waiting on someone to "water our garden". To continue with the metaphor, I've had plenty of weeds in my garden... some I allowed to procreate and they damaged the "perfect garden" I expected to have.

I've even had one friend withdraw her "friendship" from me on Facebook. At first it made me feel like I needed to run to her and bow down and ask for forgiveness for whatever it was that I said or did... then I realized that it wasn't me... it was her need to be the most important person in everyone's lives. And only Jesus and my children & grandchildren have those places. At this time of my life, I quote a dear friend who told me, everyone is entitled to their own stupid opinions... "to hell with them...I'm the queen". ('scuse the "french"'.)

A poem by Veronica Shoffstall I earlier posted on this blog fits right in here:

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
And after a while, you learn,
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn...
With every good-bye you learn.

I have reached out to many friends who have never responded to me--. So as egotistical as it sounds...it's their loss. As Stuart Smalley on SNL says: "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Gosh Darn It, People Like Me!"

Life is too short not to love those that God has put around us to love. I choose this day to love those...and continue to search for those who need love and will accept my love with no strings attached........ just love in return. And lastly, because they are not God, they will disappoint... but then...so will I... it's handling the disappointment that either makes us unreasonable or accepting.

and you learn and you learn.