Naturally

She was right in my neighbor's backyard. In real life, I watched a female turtle dig a hole, lay her eggs and then she just went away.

As she slowly walked away it made me sad. Sad, because there's no chance those little turtles are going to make it to Lake Julian...there's a fence ...along with a road, a couple trailers and a pack of dogs between them and the lake. It was just a very natural thing for her. She walked away.

And yet....in today's world, fathers do that to their children. They make children, and they walk away. They don't look back. It's a very unnatural thing to do.

God formed the family to be a man and a woman. It's a very natural thing..created by God to multiply...families.

I remember when my husband left. I don't remember the month...but I remember the moment. I had just had major surgery. In fact, he had to carry me into the house. As we walked in the door, I saw my three babies covered in chicken pox, and I saw suitcases at the door.

He put me on the couch, with a phone, a box of diapers, a glass of water and said "I can't do this anymore." And he walked out of my life. My three children didn't know what was going on, they were just happy to have mommy home. At ages two, four and six, they had no idea their lives were going to change so dramatically.

I do remember the emptiness. I was left with broken dreams, no place to live, and three children whose father walked out on them. For years I've always said he left me, not them. But who am I kidding. He left all of us. Just like those baby turtles, left alone to try to make it, unnaturally.

I have watched what the effects of a broken home does to innocent children. I've watched with great pain. The effects are still real and sometimes multiply. I watched with pain etched in my heart the many times my children couldn't participate in an activity, because I couldn't be four places at one time.

I went to three different PTA meetings...I talked with so many teachers it made my head spin. I tried to make our life normal...and there was absolutely nothing normal or natural about our lives.

Through many hours of counseling, a total break-down panic attack in 1991, more counseling, I learned to accept the things I could not change.
I couldn't change the fact my husband, my children's father walked away.
I couldn't change the fact I lived right above poverty level for nearly our whole lives. I couldn't change our circumstances.

Honestly, I really don't remember the pain anymore. I really don't live in regret, because I know in my immaturity and ignorance, I did the very best I could do.

And there's no way I could have made it without my dysfunctionally challenged family, who did the best they could do. I was the only child my parent's had that divorced. When my husband left, my mom and dad and my brothers, picked me and my children up, dusted us off and for years, became the "father" to my children.

They provided meals when I had nothing. My brothers would babysit when I had to be somewhere else for another child. Dad provided me with a job when I had no experience.

There were years of pain, tears, a broken arm, children hanging on to me 24/7... and there was Ms. Peggy.

Ms. Peggy watched my children for me as I worked a full time job. She always invited me to church, and I would allow her to take my children, because that was when I'd fill the bathtub with the hottest water I could stand...I'd lie in the tub and I'd cry. Sunday after Sunday.

Every Sunday, Ms. Peggy would bring my children home from church and tell me that she'd take me too next week if I wanted to go. I'd always decline. Afterall, what had God done for me lately?

I've said since I accepted Christ in 1984, that precious woman has jewels in her crown...she never gave up, she never gave in...she took my children to church and I always knew her car door was open for me. I only went to church one Sunday with her. It was the Sunday they talked about the need for a $60,000 stained glass window over the baptistry. Satan had a heyday with me. I left that church so angry. I made just enough to pay Ms. Peggy to watch my children...and this church that she loved so much wanted people to give over and above for some stupid window. Ms. Peggy even went so far as to have the pastor of the church come to visit me the next day. Boy did I give him a piece of my mind. When he left, I was still unsaved...and very angry...

Now, as I look back at the people who made my situation a winning combination...I praise God. I praise God for my parents who didn't know what to do with a daughter and three grandchildren...they just did. I praise God for Ms. Peggy. I am positive that she lifted my name and my children's names up to God for many years.

These people were stepping stones on the pathway to God. As I recall their actions and see the memory stones, I pick them up...and I put these memories on the altar and just praise God for godly, understanding people.

Even though I didn't understand it then, I truly understand it now... we were an unnatural 'family' and we all did the best we could to survive. No one can tell me that divorce doesn't ruin lives.

But God...takes ruined lives and puts us in the society of His beloved ones if we accept His gift of eternal life...and we just fit so perfectly.

If I had my life to live over would I change things...you better believe it. But we all know, there are no do-overs in life.

Nevertheless...even now we will never be left alone like those turtle eggs. We will always have a FATHER to show us the way.

2 Corinthians 3:18 NAS
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.