More Than Enough

I ponder a lot.

Ponder...to reflect...to consider with depth. Pondering seems to come to me in retrospect. After an ordeal is over...I ponder.

I have been in the throes of wondering (or in my case wandering in my mind aimlessly!) about events of my personal life these past few years.

I had prayed for 19 years for someone...a person very dear to me. I had prayers I wrote 'out loud' to God and I had prayers tucked deep within my heart. When events didn't turn out the way I assumed they should because of my prayers, I got angry, irate and inconsolable. I called a dear friend a couple days after the event. I don't even know how he could understand what I was saying, but between my anger and sobs he said, "Just come home, Ouida. Just come home."


I was so tired of crying. So tired of being angry. Angry about what? As I would sit in my prayer chair, I would ponder my anger. Who and what was I mad at?

Then it came like a revelation. I was angry at God for not listening to my prayers...for not answering my prayers the way I thought He should have. I was angry at God and I told Him so. So there! Take that, God.


That evening after my 'revelation', my daughter told me that I needed to hear a song by her favorite group, The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. The angelic voice began to sing,

"Jehovah Jireh My Provider You are more than enough for me
Jehovah Raepha You're my healer By your stripes I've been set free
Jehovah Shammah You are with me to supply all my needs
You are more than enough More than enough You are more than enough for me"


Suddenly there was a stirring within me. Tears filled my eyes and I told my daughter I needed to go home. I wasn't going to allow those feelings to come out. God had hurt my feelings and I was...I was really mad.

The next day, my daughter and I had some retail therapy (Commerce, GA.) On the way home, she said, "Mom, there's one more song you need to hear!"

Uh oh...I didn't want to go through that again.

"Since the last time I saw you
God has moved another mountain out of my way
Led me to green pasture turned my midnight into day
Placed my feet up on a rock to stay
Since the last time I saw you
God has calmed another raging storm in my life
Led me into safety turned my darkness into light
Now I stand in the power of his might

You would have thought that God already done enough for me
When he took my place at Calvary
But he's done so much more and more
Right before my eyes
And I have no other choice
But to stand and testify, stand and testify

Since the last time I saw you God has worked
another wondrous miracle for me
Led me into triumph
Now my blinded eyes can see
that Christ the Lord performs victoriously

You would have thought that he done enough for me
When he took my place at Calvary
But he’s done more and more and more every day
He makes a way and he’s made a way
Since the last time I saw you things have changed
I’m not the same... since the last time"

As she sang, all I could do was think...
my mountain had not moved ....the event had happened and that mountain was still a lump in my throat.

But I kept hearing......"You would have thought that He would have done enough for me...when He took my place on Calvary...."

I held in my emotions until I got home.
In my bedroom, I fell to my knees in sorrow. Sorrow that I had made God 'ouida-sized.'

The God of the Universe, the Great and Mighty I AM, My Jehovah, Creator, Master, My Maker...my Husband.


So what if He didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to. Wasn't it enough that He had died for me? Wasn't that enough?


I lay prostrate on my floor and asked The God of My Salvation to forgive me for my pride, my arrogance, and my ignorance.


My friend's words came back to me, "Just come home, Ouida. Just come home."


It suddenly didn't matter about the past events...because it was enough that Jesus had died for me...more than enough for me.


I'm home again...Pondering.

-Ouida Ray 6/12/03