sometimes you just have to put them on and get over it.

Shouldn't I feel that way?

I'm so glad God has made us so different. I'm certainly glad He allowed me to have the feelings I have. One thing I'm constantly working on is my core woundedness.

That's the deepest part of me. The part when something happens now, I get flashbacks of being broken many years ago. We all have a core wound. We all have that one thing (some have more).

This past Sunday something happened that took me back to my core woundedness and I felt like the person who was picked last to be on a team. The little girl who didn't belong. The outcast. The lonely girl who didn't make friends and was afraid to speak up.

It's amazing to me how satan knows that button to push at such a time. What's even more amazing is that God has taught me to recognize when that button is pushed and He has helped me to know how to act and react.

I must admit, my initial reaction was knee-jerk and hateful. But if I would have stayed in that frame of mind, I would have missed an excellent sermon. And then it was a duh thing. I needed to hear the message... and a worthless imp tried to take that away from me.

I also teach a class. After the worship time, I had to face the very person who brought me to my knees (metaphorically, of course.) I wanted to let her know she was wrong to do me that way.

But God...

I love those words.

What was meant to harm, turned into good. As I began to teach my lesson, forgetfulness stepped in and the grace of God overwhelmed me. I must set aside me... and just brag about Him.

My latest painting

This is my 2nd oil painting. I have just a few 'touch-ups' to do. Gregg Williams has been teaching me and another lady how to paint with oils. I've painted with watercolors before...and that's like the total opposite of what I'm doing now. I have to erase everything I know about watercolor so I can paint in oils.

I'm very pleased with this. Who knew I could paint a straight line????

Had fun doing the splashes last night. I painted with sound effects. Sorry it can't be heard in the painting!

Not a Popular Feeling

Yesterday as the verdit for the murder of little Caylee Anthony was read, my first reaction was "Oh my goodness."

Then the relationship kicked in that I have with Jesus. I try to keep Him forefront in all my thoughts and emotions... my opinions and my 'feelings.'

First, we don't know all the facts. Probably never will. But the media would want us to believe one thing. The truth may be totally opposite of what we read and hear through the media (even FoxNews!)

Second. This is what we should believe. God is merciful. Mercy. The jury looked at the facts. Twelve of Casey Anthony peers judged her. They, instead of using their feelings, saw the facts. Mercy.

Third, someone murdered a little girl. Whether it actually was Casey, we will probably never know. But this one thing I do know. God will have the last word. And in that... we should rest.

Casey Anthony needs Jesus. She needs Him in the worst way. And we need to pray that we would have the privilege to love her enough to show her The Beloved Savior.

As I pondered all my thoughts, I began to see the picture on the big screen from last Sunday. An American Medic, carrying a wounded warrior to safety. That warrior being carried was not just a warrior...he was the enemy. An Iraqi solider.

The media was screaming to the medic to drop him. Leave him to die.

The soldier...I'm sure in a most dignified manner... shot the media a hand signal and said something like " &*##, he's wounded and we're Americans."

Consider yourself carrying Casey Anthony from harm's way. She is wounded...and she's an American. Let us join together and pray.

1. Pray that God's mercy would overwhelm the responsible party who caused the death of little Caylee Anthony and that there would be a confession and justice for an unspeakable murder.
2. Pray that Casey Anthony would recognize God's mercy in her life.
3. Pray for the healing of the Anthony family. It is a broken dysfunctional mess.
4. Pray that God will get the glory.

Lastly, Jesus said in Matthew 7: 1-5
1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

Where There is Forgiveness...There is Freedom

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs016/1101889363883/archive/1104355929761.html

If I Could

If I could take this away from you my friend, I would. I love you that much.

If I could suffer the pain for you, I would. I love you that much.

If I could, I would snatch this from you and fight it until it was dead.

If I could, I would stand between the sickness and your body and dare it to touch you again.

I cannot.

But...

what I can do is get on my knees and pray for you. I'll ask our Husband to take away the sickness that has invaded your body. I'm asking Him to once again perform a miracle.

You've been my rock, my friend. Now...rest and let me be yours.

I love you.
Ouida

1 Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Missing

I'm missing... me.

I've been too busy... been too tired... been too driven to sit down and be my own company.

I thought once my children were raised my life would be easier. But in fact it is harder. I miss my children. I miss having conversations with them on a daily basis. I miss knowing they are safe and sound under my roof.

And now I have three beautiful grandchildren. I miss watching them grow up. I miss keeping up with their daily lives. Who lost a tooth...Who is sick...Who is well... What deep thoughts did they have this day.

I miss that part of me who was all nuturing. Always there for my children. I miss caring for someone else... I miss that me.

Today there's another me. The one I'm supposed to be in this transitional time of my life. I'm busy hearing sad stories of those who have encountered life-altering circumstances...like death...like sicknesses...like divorce. God has given me another nuturing me...one who surrounds strangers with prayers and listens in between the sobs... in between the words ... in between the heartaches... and I hear the sorrow, the pain and the hopelessness.

God has graced me with the ability to see what is missing in someone's life, and fill them up with His Word, His Light, His Treasures.

I received such a compliment today and really wanted to ignore it. But God in His infinite wisdom told me to reread it. To swallow it, digest it and allow it to become even more of who I am in Him.

I am missing part of me... but in the place of what is missing, God is bringing platefuls of 'filler' so I can become the woman I was meant to be.

The Gift

Struggling through 2011 has been just that in some ways. Somehow I KNEW it was going to be a financially trying time and sure enough, it's happening.

I spent the last half of 2010 spending well over $3000 trying to get my body to cooperate with me. It didn't take. So I continue to spend untold amounts of money on manipulation and now massage therapy (bless my heart!) The massage I like...the money draining I don't.

Car needed four tires... plus the rotors were bad, so had them replaced along with new brake pads. The check engine light had been on for two years. I learned how to "work around" the system for two years, but was truly afraid I wouldn't get by again. So had to have my catalytic converter replaced.

My sweet friend accidently ran into my back bumper on my car, so had that replaced... my car is very happy now.

And then, the Condo board decided that they needed to assess the owners for the 2nd year in a row...another $1000. They are benevolent though. They sent the notice the first of May and said they'd give us until July 1st to get it together before they start charging interest. Joy.

Sounds like the glass is half empty?

No not really. One thing God has always tested me on is my finances. I continue to ask, have I REALLY NOT LEARNED THIS LESSON YET????

But then I smile. God loves me so much that He desires that I live HIS way, not mine. Look at the financial mess I'm in, compared to His richness. I'm doing it His way this year.

Don't know where the other $600 will come from for the assessment, but for some reason, it just doesn't bother me like it used to. I know my Caretaker, My Husband, my Love... and He is not just going to do the best for me... He is DESTINED to do the best for me.

It isn't satan's fault...it's mine.

"Of all the sins, pride is probably the most subtle and the most dangerous. Pride is a trap to those in the ministry, and it is one we need to be constantly on our guard to avoid. It is the sin by which Satan fell, and he is an expert at deceiving even the godliest of men to fall into its trap.

"Pride is a sin. It is one of the sins that we inflict upon ourselves, which can cause us to become a stench in the nostrils of our God. It is not caused by anyone else, only by ourselves. We can't even blame Satan for putting this temptation in our way."--Rich Murphy

Pride... it comes with a price.

Being unteachable is pride.

"Pride drastically hinders revival because it padlocks the spirit, shutting the soul off in its own darkness and blocking it from dealing not only with pride itself (for "those that are spiritual proud, have a high conceit of these two things, viz. their light, and their humility") but with every other area of the flesh. Because spiritual pride is so secretive, it is hard to detect except through its effects. Edwards proceeds therefore to analyze these effects, noting that they are generally opposite counterparts to the fruits of the Spirit:

"Spiritual pride is very apt to suspect others; whereas an humble saint is most jealous of himself, he is so suspicious of nothing in the world as he is of his own heart. The spiritually proud person is apt to find fault with other saints, that they are low in grace; and to be much in observing how cold and dead they are; and being quick to discern and take notice of their deficiencies. But the eminently humble Christian has so much to do at home . . . that he is not apt to be very busy with other hearts . . . He is apt to esteem others better than himself, and is ready to hope that there is nobody but what has more love and thankfulness to God than he, and cannot bear to think that others should bring forth no more fruit to God’s honour than he." --Richard Lovelace

Pride is the words "I KNOW."
Pride is the words "LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I THINK."
Pride is the action of "I DON'T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN RIGHT NOW."
PRIDE is the result of sin.

I fight pride every minute. I fight it when preparing my lessons each week. The most dangerous part of pride is believing I don't have to study, because I already know enough about the subject. May I continue to fight this sin... it isn't satan... it's me.--

The Sin

After years of taunting, murdering and blaming ... Osama bin Laden is dead. How does a Christian respond to this?

Just look and listen and many of the Christians I know are joyous and celebrating the death of an enemy. While I look, listen and hear, my heart is heavy. Not because an enemy died. I'm very glad this evil was stopped. My heart is so heavy because this man, this enemy, this evil person died...without knowing Jesus Christ. He thinks he's going to have virgins waiting on the other side to greet him and pleasure him the rest of eternity.

I wonder how many radical Islamists who have died wish they could reach out to their relatives and say "IT'S A LIE! IT'S A LIE!"

You know... we are studying Psalm 51 this coming Sunday...actually for two Sundays.

The similarity between bin Laden and David are extreme. Does that shock you? They both sinned against God. They both needed to face the same God. One went down with curses... one fell down on his face in a humble contrite way. One was forgiven. One will live eternally with Jesus Christ. All it takes is humility and sorrow for one's sin.

There is no other appropriate stance for a believer to take toward sin than absolute personal disgust and hatred about it. God has no tolerance for sin, and therefore neither should His people. We should be grieved to some extent over every single time that we fail to live up to God's standards. The good news is that for as much as we should have contempt for sin, we should rejoice in the total and complete restoration from sin that God offers. As the old hymn says, His grace is "greater than ALL my sin."

This week, read the whole Psalm 51. Read it deeply.

PRICE TAG

Mom and Dad rented a booth in a flea market. Nearly everything in our house had a price on it. It was really scary the morning I woke up with a price on my forehead. The thought of my parents selling me took me back a moment. It's a joke now, but at that moment, there was nothing funny.

Jesus had a price on His forehead before He even left heaven to become part man/part God. I think knowing that He wept and sweated drops like blood comforts me in a way. That part human knew that price tag. He knew the cost. His human side looked for a way around the problem, His God-side opened His arms wide...

and died for my sins.

Praise God, the price has been paid.

A full Weekend

I'm a homebody. Staying home makes me happy. I'm not very out-going (except with those I trust with me!). Had a sweet between lunch & dinner meal with my dear friend Jill Owenby. I always enjoy my time with her. We delve into our love with Christ and talk openly about the questions we have and the praises we have... along with being totally honest with one another. I love spending time with her. She is such a special friend.

This past weekend not only did I need to study my lesson on Psalm 18, but Melissa came in on Friday evening. I love it when we spend time together. It's becoming too few and far between. But... you know in the circle of life, it is the normal progression! We played games together on Friday night. I had missed playing. We laughed, she froze and I sweated. Funny that 24 years difference in age can make such a difference!

Saturday morning we woke up and went to the grand opening of a Christian bookstore in one of the malls. The owner is my oil-painting buddy and former receptionist of my church. We drank coffee and congratulated her. Then off to visit a sweet friend who had surgery a couple weeks ago and was still recuperating. Talked and laughed with her.

My Sunday School class had our mission project to do that afternoon and Melissa joined us. We packed bags for the children of the poor of our area. It was so fun. They would hit a gong each time we completed 1,000 bags. We, along with several other volunteers packed over 30,000 bags in 2 hours. Then we went out to eat at BRIXX Pizza. It was fun to be with several of the ladies in my class along with Melissa. We laughed, talked seriously, and then laughed again. Such a sweet time of fellowship.

Sunday morning, Melissa went to her church and I went to mine. My class was having a covered dish and spa day. We never ask what anyone is going to bring to our covered dish fellowships. And yet... we always have a smorgasbord of food, which is ALWAYS delicious! Our spa day consisted of hand or foot massages or a back and shoulder massage. Because my feet are so ticklish and I just can't stand for anyone to touch them, I decided I must try to get past this. I had a foot massage. Except for the beginning, I felt totally comfortable. I think I'd like for that to happen again. Maybe I CAN get a pedicure! We'll see!

Then I rushed over to the nursing home to visit my little homebound friend. She wanted to get away for a while, so I took her out to just walk around and then she wanted to eat...so we went to Apollo Flame and both of us ordered pizza. We talked and she just loved it. Getting out of her "prison" at times just pleases her. Gives her a reason to keep on keeping on. We got back and just sat on the front porch of the "home" and watched the sun set. I finally made it home and sat on my couch for a moment... and thought...wow I'm tired. Went to bed and slept all night long. God is good ALL the time.

How do we do it?

I work at my church in pastoral care. That's dealing with the hurts, pains & deaths of life. Days like today, overwhelming me with death, murder, sickness, pain and heartache... bring me down. I just don't know how to get out of this funk I'm in. The phone rings and I cringe knowing it's some more bad news. An email comes from someone with the subject : PRAYER REQUEST. I breathe deeply before I look at it. Days like this are very few. But when they come, they are over-whelming. What do people do without the Lord? How do they put one foot in front of the other while going through the emotions of life? If I did not have my God, my Maker, My Hope, My Lord, My Savior, My Redeemer, I just don't know what I would do. Thank you God that you know those groanings within me. I give them to you, knowing you are my warrior.

But God

How long, Lord? - How long is this to continue? Can it be that this is to continue always? Is there to be no change for the better? Are the promises which have been made, never to be fulfilled? It is so easy to become overwhelmed. So much is happening in the world. God warned us there would be wars and rumors of wars. He warned us that families would war against one another. He warned us that satan would be the world's master. He warned us there would be false prophets. He warned us that we needed to live in the world but not be part of it. Disease, earthquakes, tsunamis, starvation, murder, incest, rape, joblessness, power struggles... these have touched all of us. When I say ALL, I mean the world's population. At 2:36 p.m. on this date, March 31, there are 6,909,272,041 in the world. Not one of these people have lived a life without being touched by disaster of some sort. Even the birthing experience is traumatic for both mother and child.

I'm constantly asking God how to pray. I need to pray for the people in my life who are having battles. How do I pray. Bless them Lord? I know He will. But I YEARN for, NEED, COVET, STARVE for, DESIRE the mind of Christ. I want His words to be the ones coming out of my mouth. I want His mind to know how to pray.

It becomes overwhelming on Wednesday evening when my prayer group gets together. We have a small prayer group... and our Sunday School class has about 35 in it. We are small compared to the over 6 billion people in the world. Nevertheless, we spend an hour just laying out the hurts in our own little worlds.

In my little world ... family and friends ... to name a few there is:

• a wayward child


• an unmarried couple living together


• a family member with cancer


• an angry child


• one whose parent is dying


• one whose child just died from unknown reasons


• one whose car broke down and there's nowhere to turn


• one who cannot afford to pay the bills


• one who lost a job


• someone who will lose a foot because of infection


• one whose family has abandoned them

I could go on and on.

But God...

Where would I be without those 2 words. He is the Almighty Warrior, the Cornerstone, The Great Physician... and none of these happenings have taken Him by surprise.

What do I say in my head when given bad news?

Praise God anyway.

Why?

But because of His great love for us, God who is rich in mercy made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions --it is by grace you have been saved. Eph 2:5-6

It's Amazing to Me

It's pet peeve time!

It is amazing to me how many TEACHERS misspell words.

Its verses It's.
There verses their
You, your, you're OH MY
Lose verses loose

I know people get in a hurry...I understand...but the constant wrong terms... the constant mistakes just overwhelm me...


1. Long morning out running errans
2. So sorry for the lose of your dad.
3. Still raining. Oh well, just means more flowers are on there way
4. supper is simmering and the house is nice and quit
5. They have awaken from their slumber

It wouldn't be so bad...but all of those are from the same teacher. TEACHER! EGADS.

I'll never forget the teacher that "retired" after I went to my daughter's school and told the Principal that my children do not talk like the teacher was teaching them.

BASROOM instead of Bathroom

And then the teacher says out loud for all of us to hear: "Well, alls we wants to do is give them a good education."

And that's when I stood up and said "WE do not talk that way." My daughter got moved to another class and the teacher suddenly retired. The worst part... she had taught in the school system for over 25 years.

I know the majority of teachers speak and write plainly and correctly. But those who do not need to be held accountable. . . by another teacher!

I'm off my soapbox.

Ouida

Now...I've got that off my chest... and I just KNOW that God will hold me even more accountable now! I have a love/hate relationship with that.

I Took Out The Trash This Morning

I had not thought about the correlation of taking out the trash and living the spiritual life. It just never occurred to me that the "feel good" feeling I get when I realized that the trash has been taken out was so freeing.

The evenings I come home after taking the trash out, I almost smile. I think how wonderful all of that gunk and junk is out of my house. It's almost a feeling of complete freedom!

And then... this morning, God put a picture in my head.

How wonderful it is when we clean out our temple of the gunk and junk that piles up. It's so freeing to be rid of bitterness, envy, strife, gluttony, pride, lust, anger, greed and laziness.

And then... I also realized that I would have to take the trash out again next week because it will be full again. Just like those sins. We must continually "take out the trash" in our temples. The sins just keep piling up, like trash. But that trash needs to be dealt with each day.

Mental picture...trash can with lid. When I start feeling one of the 7 deadly sins, I just mentally open that trash can and throw the feeling away. If I continually hold on to it, it will become rancid...and stink...and grow moldy and trash the temple that God has freely given me.

Who knew taking out the trash could be so freeing?

Ecclesiastes 10:1 "As dead flies cause even a bottle of perfume to stink, so a little foolishness spoils great wisdom and honor."

Laughter

I've had two complete days of laughter. It's been marvelous, but WOW my face hurts. I realized I must not exercise those muscles enough. I need more laughter. Isn't it in Proverbs the Bible says a merry heart does us good? I plan to remember to laugh each day!

Don't know why I was thinking about these things...

Little memories starting popping up this evening...memories of my children..

Chris was so impressed with the garbage man... he aspired to be one when he grew up. I guess he is in a way...he works in law enforcement.
He loved to take apart everything in the house. I'd find radios with pieces strewn all over. He was always so curious about how things worked. I read today that he will be moving the plugs in his house to different locations? Because he can! He loved Captain Kangaroo, I ordered the free "picture pages" from the show, and he painstakingly worked on them with the characters. (The clock--what was his name???... Mr. Green Jeans, Dancing Bear)
His favorite foods at two years old were chocolate milk and french fries. Who wouldn't love them? I think he probably thinks I shouldn't have given him so much of them now...having to work hard to lost that baby fat!

Geoff was innovative on his own account. Just doing things in ways that confounded me some times. I often wondered why the underarms of his shirts were always so dirty...I mean there were clots of...stuff in the arm pits of all his shirts. He found out that if he wiped his fork clean between his underarm and chest, it would be ready for the next course at each meal time.
His first time at mowing the lawn was a source of great frustration to me...I do wish I could have been more open-minded than I was, because I would have probably had an accomplished artist on my hands. He mowed a little here, then would cross the yard and mow over there, then move over there and mow a patch or two... it took us hours to get all the little patches out of the yard.
Geoff wanted to be a super-hero when he grew up. I guess he is in a way...he rescues people who are hurting ... he feels their pain.
He still has very unusual thought processes, but now I appreciate them, because my patience level is very high.

We were driving down a highway and she saw men, dwarfed by the huge billboard they were working on. "Mommy!" my three year old daughter exclaimed, "Look at those itty bitty men." I remember laughing so hard I had to slow down driving for fear I couldn't see.
Melissa hated meat loaf. But living in a home where we barely had meat, to me that was a delicacy. She finished her meat loaf... I found it, individual little rounds of hamburger under her chair. I think she was hoping the cat would eat it. The cat didn't. Melissa swears I made her get down on the floor and lick it up...I don't remember that... but it would have been innovative on my part...getting the floor clean and making sure she got her protein. I never made meat loaf again, and still miss it at times.
She ran away from home twice, because she wanted her own way. I laugh now, because she was always so head strong. I took dinner away from her for two weeks because she wouldn't clean her room. After two weeks she got dinner back, and her dirty room. She won.
I'm just thankful now that she appreciates a clean house.
She is so head strong at work, demanding the best of herself at all times. I think the meat loaf helped her get that way.

None of my children liked Mr. Rogers. I'm sure there's a deep thought about that somewhere.

The Silence of Snow

Waking up this morning I knew something was different. The silence was amazing. Amazing because it's so rare in this world of noise.

There wasn't a songbird singing, not a car starting... nothing but silence. Opening the blinds I saw the beauty that awaited my eyes...the same beauty that filled my ears---- pristeen, beautiful, quiet, white, virgin snow. No footprints. No car prints, just a sea of white.

And the silence was not deafening... and it was welcomed.

I listened. I "felt" that still small voice of my Lord. Illustrating in the whiteness of the blanket covering my world, was my sin--covered by the purity of my Jesus. The bland cement, the rusted cars, the dull beige of the condos, the barren trees...all covered by a blanket of purity...making everything clean and perfect once again.

A tear trickles down my cheek as I realize that all nature is crying out His majesty, His Lovingkindness, His Words...His love...His forgiveness...if we will only stop and listen...in the silence of snow.

Lord Jesus I long to be perfectly whole

I want Thee forever to live in my soul

Break down every idol, cast out every foe

Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.

Whiter than snow, yes whiter than snow

Now wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.

Psalm 51:7 Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow.